Huh?

For today’s blog, I honestly do not have many words- shocking for someone like myself. As I always strive to be open and honest, I will say that this week was a rough one for me. (I apologize if my blog has the feel of an emotional rollercoaster, if you read on a weekly basis).

Worse yet, I have no clue why this week was rough. I found myself needing to cry, just to cry. I found myself not having the words to explain my thoughts or feelings. I found myself trapped in my frustration of being frustrated. Weird- all kinds of weird.

After giving much thought to what in the world I would write about, the word “simplify” came to mind. Naturally, I went to my journal and drew the word in the midst of a plant I found near one of my favorite coffee shops and had decided to press. (Go ahead- you can roll your eyes or chuckle).

I tend to be someone who gets a ton of huge ideas to try, but is easily discouraged while executing them; which is the epitome of the phrase: “don’t bite more than you can chew.” Well, that is me. Apparently, I love food.

However, because it is my innate desire to attack goals with perfection, precision, and professionalism, I oftentimes find myself falling short.

After I wrote this word in my journal, I began to dissect my life at this current season. Since I am very goal-oriented, I am realizing that smaller goals are the way to go. My summer list does not seem unreachable, but I have seemed to slip up on aspects of my life that I was once “good” at. I cannot seem to find comfort in the normality that life is supposed to have seasons. Is it wrong to want something different? Something more consistent?

Yes, I am talking about reading my Bible, prayer, exercise, reading, etc. I have not been who I want to be within any of these avenues of life. Yes, I am striving. Yes, I am growing. Yet, I think my goals have been unrealistic.

I have had dry seasons (as they call it) where my first inclination is not to pray, and when reading God’s Word just honestly does not sound all that appealing. However, I do not want that to be my story any longer. If dry is what it is called, then I want nonstop floods. I understand that there is purpose in seasons, but I am exhausted of foundational spiritual seasons. Self criticism settles in and tells me that I should be beyond this point so that I can be onto learning bigger and better lessons. Nonetheless, in the word “simplify,” I also hear the word, “consistency.” I crave both in my daily life. Right now.

So, why I am writing about all of this? I have no clue. If I go any further, I would most likely talk in circles; which would be boring for you, and restless for me.

Therefore, I leave you with this, if you ever have a moment/day/week where life just does not make sense, it is okay. I am right there.

Peace.