Whoa.

***Before you read too far, I want to mention that the content in this blog post may get a bit graphic for some- depending on whether or not you are a). a nerd about science or b). emotionally sensitive (both of which describe moi).

As I am sure you may know from my previous post, I have moved to Pittsburgh for PT school. Well, last week was all fun and games as I got to explore the new city around me, but that came to an end this week (or maybe I should just say the fun and games have needed to simmer down, not necessarily come to a halt).

Classes started on Monday [along with orientation, which i personally found to be dry, all the while informative], and we sure dove right in. No questions asked. No hesitation. Nada.

Guess what? I have come to the conclusion, just within my first week, that graduate school is HARD! ugh...

Lectures have been super fast-paced and I have gone from writing all my notes in undergrad, to now typing all my notes. I think I may have to buy more big-girl pants because all of this growing up I am having do cannot be found in my current closet. Nonetheless, I have no choice but to develop a new form of learning and studying. Do I know if it works? -not a clue. However, I am trusting that God is with me through this all, because I feel lost beyond all words.

I mean, I have never done this before- this grad school thing. Yet, peace that surpasses all understanding has overwhelmed me. I cannot explain it, nor do I intend to, but I am consistently being reminded of God's presence. Anyone I talk to, I am quick to share that it is because of God that I have made it this far, and it is only by Him that I will continue to make it every single moment of every single day.

It is only natural that I constantly am comparing my current situations to undergrad, and I must say, while I am more than appreciative of the well-rounded education I received at MVNU, I could not be more relieved that all of my graduate classes coincide with one another. The fact that what I am studying in my clinical skills lab, is then what I hear in anatomy lecture is beyond helpful! I have never had classes overlap in such a way where information is not boringly (is that word?) the same, but instead, beneficial for bringing all of the content together. It makes it seem more purposeful.

Now this might make you laugh, but take note, this is my reality. So, in one of my labs, my classmates and I got very personal, very quickly. I understand the layout of the course, but nonetheless, things started out a bit awkward. Okay, so I am studying to be a physical therapist, right? I get that my choice in field of study is alllllll about the body. I get it. However, there are simply parts of the body that I have never truly "explored" (could not think of an appropriate word to put here) in my innocence or naivety (if that is what you so wish to call it). Having said that, the very first lab is where all barriers of awkwardness were broken down. There are 40 of us in the class, and I touched 20 derrieres on day one. Learning how to palpate, what I would argue to be the most vulnerable parts of the human body, within the first day was certainly interesting.

Why do I say all of this? For a good laugh, eh? sure, maybe. Moreso, I share it because something incredible happened in class that day: my peers and I were able to look at each other, in the eyes, and nonverbally say, "I am right here with you. We can do this together."

Honestly, it was beautiful. Call me sappy, but this is what I prayed for in preparation for grad school- a team of peers that would support and hold each other up. That is exactly what this first week has been.

During orientation, what stuck out to me most was when a professor stated, "It was competitiveness that got each of you here, but now competitiveness needs to go out the door, and collaboration needs to come in." The 40 of us already have established that we are here to become the best physical therapists that we can be...together.

The physicality awkwardness (at first) was one of the most difficult things about my week, and second was my cadaver lab. At MVNU, the closest organisms to the human that I had the opportunity to dissect and study were the fetal pig and cat. Loving what I study (the human), leading up to my lab, I was growing more and more excited...except when I saw the bodies being rolled out from the refrigerators.

Up until this point, my professor had done a phenomenal job at preparing us. She even mentioned that we could take a few moments to ourselves, once the bodies were revealed, to take it all in. I anticipated feeling emotional because that is who I am. After all, these were not pigs or cats, but humans- those with souls. Say/think what you will, but I personally do not find the two comparable.

Before this week, I had never truly given much thought to those who sign their lives/bodies/organs over to the study of science. Yet, my professor made a note to say that we must be mindful of the respect that we give to these bodies. We must think about their loved ones, and how they feel. We must think about the conditions of the person before their bodies arrived to our labs. We must have respect. Lastly, we must realize just how privileged we are to study the human body.

Wow. Whew.

Even after typing that I needed to take a breather. It was hard to go to lab. I know it will get easier to an extent, but in my nature, it is extremely difficult for me to not get emotional. What I can say is this: I feel closer to God more than ever before, because here I am, studying His creation, SUPER closely. Maybe, just maybe, I am getting a feel for what it was like when He created us...

It my deepest, innermost being, I cannot comprehend how one may study the human body, in alllll of its complexity and still not see Him. In case you have not paid much attention, or even thought to care, our bodies are extremely complex machines; which, in my opinion, only points back to a Higher Creater. Eh, I know that topic can go in many different directions, but for the time being, those are my ramblings.

On a much lighter note, I have thoroughly enjoyed my week apart from academics as well. I got to attend a bible study I found on campus. I hung out with some of my peers. I went to Phipps Conservatory with a friend who was visiting the city. I went on another free city bike ride. I went to a worship night event on Pitt's campus. And I went to another incredible Sunday morning church service. It was a packed week for sure, and one that has taught me much in the classroom, but far more outside of the classroom.

When I arrived to Pittsburgh (two weeks before classes started), my church was starting a sermon series called, "Soul Rest." Well, I laughed "at" God because He and I both know that this was an ongoing struggle on mine that I was striving to work through over the summer. I could not believe that I was hearing preaching on the very topic that I needed most. Clearly, God knew what He was doing. The series have presented their challenges about honoring the sabbath, and purposely putting work into not working, etc. I mean, just blowing me out of the water week after week. I could not be more thankful for the timing of this series.

I mention my church 1). because it has been one of the most fundamental parts to me being in PGH thus far and 2). because what I have learned here has bled over into my grad school life. I never want the two to be separate, and honestly I still battle with this: how can I bring Christ into my studies? Well, as I mentioned earlier, I clearly see Him when I look at the human body. Yet, there is an even deeper concern for me; I think it is the concept of purpose. Why am I here? What am I doing? Why am I becoming a physical therapist? and on and on...

If I look at the syllabi (which is a necessary part of staying on top of assignments) I can get caught up in the fact that anything below an 80% is an F. Yup, C's and D's do not exist at grad school. OR, I can pray my way through grad school because I know that God is the one who got me here and He will be the one to get me through.

I have surprised myself that after seeing the syllabi, and going through classes day in and day out, that I have not cried myself to sleep. Not once. You know why? - because I have peace that surpasses all understanding. One may argue that my lack of "real emotions" is because it is only the first week, and that I should just wait until exams come, blah blah blah. However, if I look to my left and to my right, I have peers who are already very concerned. For some of them, all they can talk about is how nervous they are, and while I want to be here to console them, I am not about to let the negativity bring me down. I am choosing to rise above, stand on the peace that I have, and remain positive. And guess what? -for Bethany, this feels strange as all get out.

If you read this far, thank you. Thank you for listening. Please, please pray for me as I continue in PT school. Please pray for above 80's specifically, but even if you forget to pray for that, more importantly, pray that God would use me however He wants, and that I would be submissive to His Will.

Whoa is all I have left to say.