tough.tougher.toughest.

I am fairly confident that I have already mentioned that graduate school is difficult, but in case I haven't, let me tell you again-- graduate school is extremely difficult. Now, I am one who is always up for a good challenge, no doubt. However, this is more of a mountain/battle than it is a challenge. What I mean is, "challenges" seem to come and go, but mountains/battles are ongoing. I have found myself gaining more from working with the mountains/battles instead of trying to get ride of them. This is definitely not natural for me, but worth putting effort into, of course.

It was mentioned in the sermon at church today, "God is oftentimes able to teach us more through our failures than our successes, because it means that we have to be dependent on Him and are unable to take the credit for ourselves for the success we do have." This is so true. School has never come easy for me. Jealously of peers who seem to simply "get it" always appeared macho and cool and absolutely amazing to me, from the outside. Sure, I may not know what each of them are internally struggling through, but one thing I do know is that, the effects of comparison always lead to destruction. I am not sure if there could ever be a cure for comparing oneself to others, but if anyone stumbles upon it, send it my way s’il vous plaît!

I could easily become a professional comparerer (I tend to make up my own words), but what would be the point to that? -absolutely nothing. At least, nothing healthy or positive. The statement mentioned in church today reminded me a scripture verse that has drastically impacted my life:

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

When I read this verse, I instantly sense God's presence telling me that I am okay. He is proud of me. He knows I am giving it my best. He is holding me. He is teaching me more than what I am being taught in the classroom. He has a bigger message for me to grasp than what PT school has to offer...and it might just be called faith, trust, and obedience.

This week was difficult because I had my first practical for cadaver lab, and first lecture exam for anatomy (my most difficult class this semester), all while in a cast. Before you freak out, know that I did not get hurt. For one of my other classes we were required to put casts on (either arm or leg, completely randomized) for 48 hours. Leading up to casting day honestly did not phase me, nor did the casting process itself. My peers all seemed to be concerned about the assignment because of the timing with our other exams, and rightly so, but I chose to place my energy elsewhere. If there is one thing I have learned in PT school, it has been that I must separate myself from the negativity that is constantly around me.

I was selected to have an arm cast, and so the fun began. Thankfully, we were able to chose which side of the randomly selected limb we wanted. Obviously, I went with my right arm, because I am left hand dominant. Since there was no written/reflective tasks to complete for this casting assignment, I decided to make one for myself in hopes to never forget this experience. Therefore, throughout the 48 hours, I kept a running tab, on my own, of what I did/did not do while the cast was on. Here are my notes:

It is extremely difficult to:

do my hair

scratch my nose

use the bathroom

wash one hand

lick food off my fingers

turning the page in a book

type on the computer

play my ukulele

put shirts on

open a door on the side of my cast

button and zip pants

scraping the last bit food out of a bowl

Random:

it doesn't hurt when you walk into a wall

you can easily put your hand on your hip

probably shouldn't light a candle

Since we were never instructed as to why we were given this assignment, I think it is safe to assume that our professors wanted us to grasp what some of our future patients will be going through. You know, learning empathy. I guess I can say I learned some of that, but I personally think I already excel in the empathy department. My personal takeaways from this exercise consisted of discovering a level of respect for individuals who only have one upper limb, or only one upper limb that functions. I only had my arm in a cast for 48 hours-- I cannot possibly imagine having all loss and function of my arm indefinitely. I also learned that people treat you differently when there is something visibly "wrong with you." No one from outside the PT program knew that there was no legitimate injury, so that meant that I had all kinds of stares, people asking me if I was in a bus accident (???), or if I needed assistance carrying things. To a degree, the curiosity was a kind gesture, but it truly was not necessary. I discovered that I do not like drawing unnecessary attention to myself. At all.

My absolute favorite part about the arm cast was practicing my robot dancing skills, as you can see in the picture. I mean, there was a perfect right angle in my arm, giving me the ideal shape for pro-roboting. I think I should offer robot classes to anyone who wants to learn. After all, 48 hours of roboting makes me a professional in my books. haha!

Come time to take the cast off, my arm actually felt like it was in pain, despite not having an injury prior to putting it in the cast. Try and figure that one out...

The following morning I actually had to verbally tell myself to "snap out of it," because I held my arm in the casting position to turn my alarm off...even though the cast was off... *shaking my head*

Overall, I am thankful for the opportunity. I pray that I never need to experience a legit cast-injury, but at least I now am very aware of how difficult it will be for some of my future patients to complete physical therapy.

The next trip to Bethany's Kitchen is brought to you by a family secret recipe. I am super thankful that before my mom left the city from my birthday weekend, she bought me the ingredients to make one of my personal favorite dishes of hers: pasta salad. I grew up on this yummy goodness, and decided that because of the tough week I knew I had ahead of me, that I was going to make pasta salad to pull me through. (This sounds pathetic as I write, but I am serious about my food). I won't give out what is inside this dish, but if you care to give your tummy some happiness, I will gladly make some to share with you!

I was extra excited to make the pasta salad because I got to add my own special touch with chopped up herbs from my very own birthday-herb-window-garden!!!! Look!

As the practical, exam, and casting all came to a close, I grew more and more excited for a weekend of somewhat-rest; and you know what?-- I am confident that I received just that! I am incredibly thankful.

Some of my small group friends from church found the Open Doors Event taking place Downtown and I decided to join. This event was so cool because we got to tour historical buildings of Pittsburgh...for FREE! Anything that says free has my name written all over it. I am personally not a huge history buff, but this was such a cool experience. I love going on adventures, and especially learning more about my new home. I have an even greater appreciation for the city and cannot wait to continue to learn more about where God has me! Here are a few of my favorite places that we saw on the tour!

Omni William Penn Hotel Grand Ballroom

Mayor's Office

The Pennsylvanian

This weekend also presented itself with the opportunity to facetime a bunch of friends, and I desperately needed that. I have the best of friends, and they remind me that I am not alone in this big city. I sincerely praise God for technology and the ability to stay connected. Shout out to all those friends for keeping in touch, despite the distance. Much love.

Oh, and facetiming my family to eat a virtual dinner together was quite comical to say the least. I loved it!

Lastly, I had some friends spontaneously drop in on the city to visit me, and I could not have been happier to host them. I am still getting used to the whole having-guests-thing, but am loving it so far. Sharing dinner and great conversation with these two was a blessing and I am constantly being reminded of what being in community with others really means. I think that at this point in my life, I have defined community as: sharing meals together, sharing stories together, growing in understanding of one another's differences, and loving people for who they are.

In case you could not tell, God is teaching me a lot. All the time. And I am thankful.

Yes, this week was the toughest one yet, but I am clinging to the One Who knows me, holds me, calls me His own, and loves me far better than I will ever love myself. Thank you for your support in reading my blog, and for praying :)